The Last Few Days.

Well, I felt neglected the past week until Monday night. I decided that I should talk to the man about how I was feeling and I almost wish I didn't. We had a bit of a fight about it all but, in the end, we got it all sorted out. I'm so glad we did because it meant we talked things through and got our feelings out in the open - which is very important. It also brought us closer, allowed us to see that we'd been drifting and work out why it happened. It was awesome, if I'm honest.

I also cleared out the living room yesterday since the phone man was coming up at some point. Had a lovely lunch of pork and leek sausages, chips and gravy in the living room, then watched Princess and the Frog on the widescreen. Then I put the man to bed and we landed up watching Lee Evans while cuddling then getting up to watch more TV and progress onto eating supper. Once I got him back in bed, we watched Captain Scarlet for a while, then I left him to sleep while I went to watch Bedlam. What a good programme it is! That and Mike and Molly.

Anyways. I really should get going. I have another driving lesson today and I can't wait! Just need to have a shower and then get myself ready since I'm meeting the man after he's finished. I can't wait :) Think it's Burger King day. 

Speak later.

Dx

Finally.

At last, I've booked the accommodation for the Musselburgh Festival, held in Polmont. I can't wait! Not only is it a time to meet up with all our friends, but it's also a weekend away for us to spend some quality time together. It will also let us both have a good drink on the Saturday night after the competitions, and then once we get back to the digs, we can stick on the laptop and snuggle up to watch a film. It'll be really good, I think. It's something we really need to do.

On another subject, I had my first lesson with my new instructor and can I just say, WOW! What a difference. He's so good at pushing me forward in a way I know how to deal with. He gave me the confidence to just drive and make the right decisions, and if I couldn't then he helped me work out what was best to do. He helped me immensely and I'm glad to have booked another lesson with him. I'm looking forward to it already! In fact, I was buzzing before I even got out of his car. So much so, that I couldn't quite shut up about it for the rest of the evening. But personally, I think it's good to be enthusiastic about these kind of things, because if I'm not, then I won't put everything I have into it and I won't pass. But tally ho. This, alarmingly, is not the reason I came on here tonight.


The baby thing. I'm getting really scared. Is it normal to walk around the supermarket with your partner, and he's the one pointing out all the cute stuff and brings up the conversation every time? I don't mean "is it healthy", I mean is it right to do it now? We've only been together for a year, we're living at mine, we're not engaged, married and nor do we have plans to do either anytime soon. I'm also looking to get into university, so that essentially ties up my life for the next few years. Is a family something I can think about while I'm studying? Can it really work out, or would it be better to quit my studies if the inevitable was to happen? It's just that lately, it's been a really big topic that I've seen frequently occurring between us and it's starting to cause a bit of panic in my little brain.

I'm definitely not ready for the whole motherhood thing, and if you asked any of my friends how I am around children, they'd just look at you and then proceed to laugh until there was no air left in their lungs. That's how bad I am. However, I am much mother nurturing nowadays since I started looking after myself and my partner a bit better. This begs the question of whether I'd actually be ok looking after my own child, or would I be as bad as I've been with other people's little ones? I just don't know. I suppose the whole thing scares me, but at the same time it intrigues me and it's something I really, really want, and find myself wanting more every day. That in itself is a terrifying though.


By the way, have you noticed in this last post that I'm starting to sound a bit like Carrie Bradshaw?

Valentines Weekend

Oh. My. God. I met the man in Aberdeen on Saturday so we could make up for the night before and just spend some time together. We seriously needed it, but holy cow, the number of people in town yesterday was completely stupid! Of course, it was a Saturday, but also Valentine's weekend where people were going round, hand in hand, doing last minute shopping for a day which celebrates something which should be shown the whole year round - not just one day. Really, do we live in a society which people can only show their love to their partners for one day during the year? I'd be ashamed if that was the case. I make a point of trying to share my love with my partner every day, because if you don't, you're only living for that one day, and that isn't enough, if I'm honest.

Since today's the last day of being together without having to work, we're treating ourselves to steak for lunch and most likely pancakes with white chocolate sauce afterwards! Yummy! :) I've also sorted out my driving lessons - again. I have a new instructor since the other one has cancelled every lesson we arranged since my first one. I was meant to be getting every Tuesday and Friday, but they've all been cancelled and even the one we rearranged was cancelled because she had other people wanted lessons. How annoying! But, new instructor sorted and I start on Thursday! Boost!

Only bugger is... I'm back to work tomorrow. Gah! That means I'm up at 4.30am for a shower and out of the house by 5.15am at the latest. Oh for goodness sake. I don't want to go. Although, I've been told by the doctor that if I'm sore, I need to phone him back and I'll get signed off again. But I might just try and get put onto checkouts if I'm sore and then transfer permanently, meaning better hours! Yahoo! We'll see though. It would be so much better working on checkouts, plus I know I wouldn't be doing my back any more injury by doing that. It sounds lazy, but I'd rather be called lazy than be in that kind of pain every day because I can't do that. It's been bad enough without doing any hard work, let alone pushing those trolleys. But hey hey, I better go now because I need sleep.

Nighty night. Oh, and I love you honey :) xxx

Baby Talk!

In the past few days, baby talk has been everywhere! Every channel, every programme, newspaper, magazine and website. Is there no getting away from it? I know I was thinking about it the other day, but this is getting ridiculous now! I don't want to think about it anymore. In fact, I don't want to think about it until the time comes. So why must everything remind me of the one thing I don't want to think about? It's rather frustrating. I mean, come on, I'm 20. I shouldn't really be planning children yet. I'm only planning on going to university and being with the man. Nothing further.

And again he's running late. He should have been home a while ago, and he said he was on his way. Unless he's gone in past to speak to the folk at the restaurant to rearrange for Sunday... We're meant to be having dinner on Monday, but since he's off on Monday, and we're both working on Tuesday, it makes more sense to eat on Sunday and have Monday together just to snuggle and be together. So we'll see what happens. If he's back soon I'll know he's been sorting dinner. If he's ages yet, then I know he's at his mum's doing something random. Either way, I miss him and want him home so that we get a little time before he goes to sleep, otherwise it's going to be a very lonely day for me. It doesn't help that I get excited when I hear a loud vehicle and it turns out to be one of many tractors working around here. Although, I know the sound of his engine and it's definitely coming up the road now. Yep, here he is. Yay :) I'll be back later to write while he's asleep. Just want him to know I love him and am always going to be here. He's my soulmate. 

I got a bit soppy there, didn't I? Oh well. It's true.

Realisation time

Today I've been thinking. About how lucky I am, how much I'd lose if I lost the man in my life, what the rest of my life will be like if we stayed together. To put it bluntly, I don't want to be without him and I don't think he wants to be without me. I mean, yesterday we were watching Jeremy Kyle and a few people were on the stage discussing a kid which had no stability in its life, when he said that if "that" ever happened to us, at least he'd be home early. I asked him what he was talking about, and he just said "what they're talking about on tv". I assumed he was talking about children, and he was. I mentioned how his work was perfect, since I could put the child to school before going to teach, and then he'd be there to pick it up after school before I came home and look after it until I got home. Then it would be supper time and I could put them both to bed at the same time. It was just a joke from me, but then he asked how long my university course is. I told him it was 4 years and he just laughed and said that it might be before I've finished my course. That made me a little scared, if I'm really honest... Kids before I've finished university wasn't my idea of how things would be. I wanted to be married before I had children. In an ideal world, I wanted uni over, into a stable job, wedding, then a year before we had kids, but I guess we'd be cutting it fine if we did that, so maybe it'll be kids before the end of uni and married after I've finished. I suppose we'll work it all out, come time. It's just a bit scary.

However, I must struggle on, regardless of what's blighting my mind. My man's running about an hour late because he was talking to some of his workmates. Typical. But I don't blame him really. Some of them are leaving. One got sacked this morning, another walked out and another is leaving in a couple of weeks. Good grief...

Anyways I really need to start planning my birthday party, and get the whole lot sorted out since I really want a marquee and an amazing night where we party until dawn, laugh so much, have many, many photos to remember everything by and, most of all, tunes lasting right through the night. I'd also like to do something for Mum since it'll be on her birthday and we've never done anything so far to say thank you to the ICU in Aberdeen where they looked after her. So it's about time we did something. Or maybe the nurses at the Maternity Hospital in Aberdeen since they helped Mum when I was born after a long period of labour and not breathing. It's thanks to them that I'm here today, so maybe it's time I thanked them properly. So that's it. Aberdeen Maternity Hospital it is. Well, possibly. I'll discuss it with dad and Andrew since they both mean a lot to me and I value their opinion.

Talking about Andrew reminds me... I'm REALLY excited for Valentine's day, since I've never really had one before and it's all new to me. I honestly can't wait, but I don't know what I should get the man, if anything, or what to do, wear, anything! He's taking me out for dinner, which is still a very new thing to me, and I don't know what to expect. I'm just really excited for it and can't wait for it. Also, very intrigued as to what I might get. He's got a habit of totally surprising me with the odd random gift.

Anyways, off to get into bed and snuggle.

Night.

Dx

Snow again!

Oh for crying out loud! There's snow falling and lying and sitting about. Please don't tell me this is a repeat of last year where we had lots of snow in February and it stayed until April, making it near impossible to get to a wedding? Oh please no :( I just want to get out and do my lessons, get my test, pass it, and then I'm happy for there to be as much snow as the world wants. I just want my license first!

Oh well, I must look ahead to the festival times. Musselburgh is coming up and I haven't done anything for it, or booked accommodation. I've sourced rooms, cheaper than last year, and more comfortable too! It's just a pain that they don't let pets stay :( So I doubt dad will be coming since he'll want to look after the dog, who would be happy sleeping in the car, but there we go. I think he's in a bit of a huff for festivals since Donald's always with me, but it makes sense, because then I am never left to be lonely and there's someone to sit with him when I'm not there. Last year, dad got sick of being on his own and left me at the festival near Edinburgh while he drove home and I had to fork out for an expensive train where I didn't get a seat and had no sleep at all. So here's hoping I get to keep the car and he can go home and be picked up by one of his siblings. But we'll see what happens. There's bound to be people coming from our area who can take him home if he really wants. I won't plan too far ahead. Just need to catch him when he's not out or up in the loft. I am NOT going up there just to ask about hotels.

I also really need to get some stuff for uni sorted out, since my interview is around 18 days away and there's more paperwork they want before the day. And I need to work on my piano. Maybe I could do that now that he's up in the loft out of the way. I hate playing music in front of him at home. 


Anyways. I made a casserole for lunch. I had hoped to play it safe (again) and make the casserole as I usually would - in the oven. But. I was browning part of the beef when I thought to check for a packet of mix. None. Oh dear. I'd just written out a casserole recipe earlier, so through to my bedroom I went to get it and start on it. Well, the end results need a tiny bit of tweaking, but it's all good and next time I'll document what I do and take photos. I'm so surprised I managed to make it though and that it turned out eadible. I'm so impressed!

However, I'm unsure on what to cook for supper. There's very little to have in the fridge, so it'll have to be something out of the freezer since the butcher's shut and I really fancied some steak. Possibly pizza? Because I really can't be bothered doing anything else or anything exciting. 


Time for sleep since I have my lesson soon. And I'm shattered. Nighty night.


Dx

My Stummy Hurts

Well, our tummies hurt. I don't know why, but they've both been sore today, just at separate times... It's been very strange. Thankfully he's asleep now because he's working tomorrow, but he'll only get a few hours, so it won't be enough. He'll come home absolutely wrecked but at least he's off on Tuesday.

Speaking of Tuesday, I have my second driving lesson =D and I can't wait! Although I'm dreading having to drive that blooming BMW thing again. It's murder to handle =( but tally-ho. Dvd time. And maybe time to get some food too! I'm off here for a night. Toodleoo!

Dx

Morning, morning.

I'm awake, up and have got a huge mug of coffee and some krispbakes with garlic and herb philly. I told you I was hooked. I'm heading into town today to pick up the man's phone, so here's hoping they give it to me. They'll try and wriggle their way out of it because I'm not him, but they WILL give me it, because if I can talk to doctors on behalf of him then I can collect his bloomin' phone from the idiots at Vodafone. And no, I'm not being nasty towards them, just truthful. I'm with Vodafone myself, but they're really quite stupid. Anyways, so I'm getting the train in, collecting the mobile and then meeting the man at 12.30. You know what, I really should give him a name on here since I don't want to use his real name. How about... Andrew? Yes, that'll do nicely. Andrew. And if he reads this, he'll be wondering what's going on and think I have another man. I'd never do that, so he shouldn't worry. 

I would really like to have a nosey around shops, but I've not got much left to spend now, since my bills are now due out and I have only got £40 in my purse to do me for a couple of weeks. Oh well, it'll be absolutely fine since I have a stash of money for driving lessons and I'm saving up all my unused change. I must have about £100 quid of it so far! Andrew's taking over his gallon bottle too so we can save together. Good idea, me thinks.

Well I'll be back for another post tonight/tomorrow, so I'll catch you then. Toodleoo!

Dx

Evening Ponderings

It's that time of night again where I'm sitting up in bed with the man curled up beside me, sound asleep, the dog sound-oh at our feet and a film on the telly. All that's missing is something tasty and delightful to munch on. I'm thinking about some Pogen Wholegrain Krisprolls   served with some philly cheese, and a bit of philly's light garlic and herb spread, which is so yummy! I've been missing out on that for so long! It's actually a lot easier to spread than the original cheese spread, so that's a blessing. It's so smooth and creamy, and the garlic's there but definitely does NOT overpower the flavour of the cheese. The herbs are a really lovely addition to the flavour mix and, all in all, it's a delicious savoury spread and oh so yummy with the krisprolls, which together help eliminate some of my recent "munchies".

Honestly, I'm not sure why they're so bad right now, but I'm finding it bloody difficult getting rid of them at times. So hard that I've started taking note of what I'm eating, trying to drink a lot more instead of munching on whatever I can get hold of beside me, and trying to make sure my meals are as nutritionally filling and healthy as possibly which is turning out to be a hell of a balance for me to reach. How is it done? Seriously? I can't work it out. We eat loads of vegetables with every meal now, a bit of protein and some carbohydrates. Maybe I need to eat more brown pasta instead of mashed tatties? I guess I'll work it out eventually.

But today, I've decided I really need to start and lose weight. I was looking at elliptical trainers in the Argos catalogue, but the ones I can afford have a maximum weight limit of 15st 7lbs, and let's be fair, I'm over that limit by a fair bit. So, my target for the next 2 months is to lose 1st 7lbs to make sure I'm at that weight. Any more lost and it would be a blessing! So, from tomorrow onwards, I'm going to be brave and post my weight up for the world to see, so you can all keep track of my weight loss/gain - whichever happens first! I would do it tonight, but I'm keeping the man awake with the TV and light and laptop. He's ever so good sleeping all through that. I don't really think he woke up since what he said to me didn't make a lick of sense. Something about shitty green trainers? I don't know. Apparently they were keeping him awake. Personally, I think his back was doing it. I do feel guilty though, because if I only had a laptop that would type quietly, then it would be absolutely fine since I dim the screen a lot. I just think it's the general sound that keeps him from drifting off to a deep sleep. Poor honey.

Enough ramblings for now. Maybe a weight blog to come, but we'll see how I'm feeling, given that it's 10.42pm!

Dx

Find your inner butch!

Today, I want to set a goal for myself: No fighting with the man, and to stop eating crap. The second bit has really failed, because all I've done since I woke up yesterday is eat. I really can't stop. However, I've found that if I have something healthy and crunchy, then I'm less tempted to snack. So maybe I should stock up on those Pogen Krisprolls I bought for a trial. They're healthy, really crispy and so so tasty on their own, even better with a light spreading of Philadelphia cream cheese. Sooooo tasty =D I've also just put on lunch. Oven roasted chicken portions, rubbed with salt, pepper and olive oil. They looked so yummy before I put them in, and I can't wait to see how they look once they're out. Although, what to have with them? Maybe stir-fry veg and a baked tattie if I can get hold of dad to take some new tatties home.


Honestly, there's nothing like having a supply of fresh, homegrown tatties to use in all my cooking. They're tastier than the ones you buy in the shops, and I know exactly where they've come from. Besides, there's none of this "organic" rubbish about them. Come on, it's impractical to grow it, because the costs are so high, and compared to the useable yield you get, it's pathetic and not worth the bother. Living on a farm has given me a taste of how it should really be done. None of this "organic" grain or straw or hay to feed our animals. How is nitrogen fertiliser bad, anyways? You're giving the plants EXACTLY what they need and get from the atmosphere. You're just giving them it in an easier form and they are able to get a lot more of it. I just don't agree with the organic thinking that this country has nowadays. It's all beef, chicken, pork or lamb. There is no difference in the animals. Let them eat what they want to eat, regardless of how it's produced. Our animals are tasty because they get good food and lots of it. They're not neglected and they don't want for anything because they're well looked after, allowed to go outside when they like, and have shelter if they want to use it. My dad must be one of the hardest working farmers, and the livestock are better for it.

Geez, that was a fair rant, but you get my point. There's no point in organic when you know what the animals are being given anyway. I just love tasty things, which is why I still write in this blog and enjoy reading other peoples findings about food and how to cook it, eat it and know when it's at it's best. I really do love my food, don't I? I think that's why I love eating, because I love flavours, colours, textures and mostly it just happens to be somewhat healthy. Or meat. I can't not eat meat. If I was told I could never eat meat again, I'd cry and go absolutely mental!