Tis the season to get boozy!

Strichen is past and what a weekend it was! I haven't had that volume of alcohol in my system for a very long time. In fact, since I met my man. Never mind. It was such a good one, I'm excited for the next already! Although, I'm worried that a certain person decides to turn up and ruin the whole damn thing. But I won't let that cloud my thoughts right now. There are more pressing matters. Matters such as discussing the possibility of buying a motorhome with my dad for us to use for festivals/weekends away. After being in a tent, my joints are back to being very painful and it's not something that I want to happen on a regular basis. I was also cold and on my own in the tent and didn't exactly feel safe. So a camper is the way forward. And low and behold, we've found one that's ideal. It's a four berth, made in 1987 - it's the only one we can afford - and it's been completely renovated inside. It's completely watertight and looks so good it's crazy! And it's not far away! So the phone must be lifted today and the idea discussed completely with my father. We've looked into other models and ages and nothing else suits as well. We've investigated insurance and whether we'd both be able to drive it. In short, yes. Although I need to be over 25 for us to get a cheaper quote for insurance if I'm going to be legal to drive it. For now, the man will be the policy holder and do the driving. I don't mind and thankfully, neither does he. It's just so exciting that it might be able to happen and I'm looking forward to seeing the reaction from my dad. It's just that there's no point in us having the caravan that my dad is looking after. Don can't drive with it, we can't get a towbar on any of our cars and it's just not practical. However, a camper is a different story. As long as it's not over 7.5T and not for carrying over 8 passengers or goods then even I can drive it without getting another category added to my license.

So, three weeks til Keith. What's the bet that I'll have my camper by then and have it ready to party in?

Promises, Promises

Why do your promises get broken? I'm sick of having the same conversations, getting the same answers and landing with the same outcome time and time again. If these promises were truly made from the heart, things wouldn't be like this. A friend once said "if someone cares, they wouldn't put you through the pain and watch you suffer. If someone really cares, they'd not put you through that pain in the first place". Think about it. I'm a forgiving, gullible person. If you look up the meaning of Gullible in the dictionary, I'm sure there'd be a picture of me just sitting there, believing everything, as I always do. I've been decent. I've been honest. I've said how it hurts to have the trust we've built up over our time together torn down before my very eyes. This isn't enough apparently. So. I'll make this simple. You need help. You say there's no reason to what you do, that it's habit. Well so is alcoholism, drug addiction, substance misuse. All of these can help you to lose those close to you. So get help. I'm willing to help but that's not good enough, so I'll help you get professional help. This is the only thing that might help us out of this spiral. If you're not willing to try this for the sake of us, our relationship, the life we've built then I think we've reached a fork in the road where we must travel our separate ways. It breaks my heart even thinking about this but I can't be the one who keeps being torn down, used, lied to. I can't take it anymore.

Old times, new times

This year is going to be the year of catching up with old friends, making new ones and keeping in touch with everyone via phone, text, email and letter. Yes, I enjoy the odd bit of snail mail - when the postie decides to appear with my letters! Things seem to be on the mend for now, but we'll see how the post flows in the next few weeks. However, I am going to try my best to see as many people as I can over the next few months, spending time with those who really matter. I'm also determined to get into a new hobby, maybe take part in a group or something locally. I could start back horse riding on a saturday morning or something. That would keep me out of trouble and also keep me sort of fit. Since I have a voucher for the cabin and it's only 5 minutes away, it makes sense to try there first. If I don't like it, I can go somewhere else. There's always options.

How did I get onto the subject of hobbies??? Oh well, I did. Never kind. I could also investigate some other things to get into although riding and the fiddle are quite enough, I think. And maybe the piano again. I really want to get back into that - and it might help me keep my work life balance going seeing as I'm always tempted to take my work home which is totally forbidden!

On the subject of my new job, I'm having a ball and slowly learning what my place in the service is. I may not be doing one to one support but I'll be the one running the social groups which is almost as vital, if not more so! I have to start creating new groups in aberdeenshire too so this is going to be a huge challenge to me and I'm really looking forward to it, no matter how difficult it may be for a start. I'm just so glad I made this career change when I did. My mental and physical health have both improved remarkably and I'm more lively most of the time. I know I'm still tired quite a lot but that's mainly because I'm going to bed with the man every night so I'm getting far too much sleep too early and by the time he leaves, I'm awake, struggle to get back to sleep and by the time info, I'm shattered by the time I have to wake again. Nevermind, I'll get into a routine next week.

Anyways, I'll post again tomorrow. Night!

Improvements.

My life has improved. 100% improvement, actually. I'm no longer tired or sore after work, I enjoy the things in life that grew too much to handle with so little energy and I'm no longer depressed or frustrated 80% of the time. I'm settling into suburbia much better now too since I have the time and energy to keep my house in order and I find us eating better food since I'm happier to cook once again. I smile more often, laugh so much it is crazy and I'm never really in a bad mood. Ok sometimes I am but I can't change everything about myself in the space of a week, can I? I've done well so far and long may my progress continue. Ive also started playing my fiddle more and in the past 5 days of practising just once a day, there's a great improvement there too! That's something that really makes me smile. Ok so my wrists are still really sore and im using muscles which have lost all their tone but that tone can be regained and by golly, I'm going to do it! I have determination!

Sorry... I just splurged that out without really thinking but I don't care. It's all true :) I'm just glad things are changing for the better right now. Things always work themselves out...