Smitten

It's been a long week. Since Sunday, I've not seen my man, and I'm missing him so much. I can't even watch a good film without wanting to curl into him and be in his arms. I'm watching PS I Love You, and it just got to the bit where Jerry was back in the apartment with his arms round Holly. It made me want him here even more than I thought possible - it actually made me cry. I have the feeling that I may cry when I see him tomorrow. I'm even welling up as I type this. It's ridiculous, isn't it. I just want him so badly. I've never wanted someone's arms around me as much as I want his. I feel safe when I'm with him, when he's holding me. In his arms, everything's ok, nothing can harm me as long as he's around. Life right now is amazing. If only he was coming home to me every night...

Anyways, I did my exam today, so I'm relieved it's over. I think it went well, so here's hoping that I've passed my grade 8 Scottish Fiddle. All I need to do now, is write the reports for the recordings I did, and the live performance and one set that I did during the performance. That shouldn't take me too long, so I'll start that tomorrow when I've slept. It might be a good plan, huh. I've not exactly had much sleep lately, so I really need a long lie, but I'm not going to get one until Sunday. It's ok though, because my man'll be here, and we'll both get to sleep in a bit. Either that, or we go to sleep early on Saturday night after a few drinks and films, then get up early-ish and go to the market for a wee day out. Maybe even go for a walk to the place we went on our first date, or we could do that on my birthday. I don't know, but it's something I'd like to do again.

Ahhhh I'm smitten (: He's just lovely and wonderful and loving and mine. That's right. No one else is getting him. I love him to bits, and I wouldn't change him for the world. Anyways, I better go to sleep. I'm tired and got another long day ahead of me. I love you, babe, and I always will. I just hope you read this at some point. You're my world.

Night world.

D-d-d-d-d-Jiggles.x

June.. Oh dear..

Well this year is literally flying past. June is here, and it's my birthday next month and I haven't got a clue what I'm doing for it. Maybe we'll go to the beach or something, or maybe on a wee road trip. Honestly, I don't know, but we'll think of something to do before then.

I'm round at the mans just now, and was yesterday as well. It's amazing just being with him, and the fact that he's always going to be there for me is slowly sinking in. If I get down, he knows about it, and makes me tell him what's wrong. Sometimes it takes a while, but I'm getting better at opening up and I'm getting better in general. He's never let me down yet, and I don't know what I'd do without him in my life now. I can't imagine being without him now, and to be honest, I don't want to imagine it.

Having spent most of the evening asleep with him, and only really getting a cuddle right before he got up, I kinda miss him. And if you're wondering why I'm typing this and not still sleeping, that's because I'm actually awake after he got up to get ready for work. He probably doesn't like waking me, but tough. That's the way I like it.

He's out of the shower and texting me from downstairs. I can smell him... does that make me sound sad and pathetic? Even worse is the fact that as soon as he left the room, the tears began welling up. Never in my life have I felt so ridiculous. Except for now, when the tears are flowing down my cheeks and making my t-shirt wet. Honestly, he says the sweetest things, and better still, he means every word. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: my life is complete now that he's in it. I have a great family, amazing friends, and the best boyfriend in the world. Of course, every girl says that, but hey, if they weren't the best ones for us, then why would we be with them?

Ahhhhh I'm so happy yet sad. I'm a walking contradiction. I'm smiling and crying at the same time, and I should be sleeping since I have the bus at 7.42am, but I don't want to sleep, because I know I'll be lying there for hours just thinking of him once he gets to work. I'm getting a hug as soon as I see him - and no, I don't care if we're right in the middle of a massive crowd of people, I want one, and he's giving me one :)

I can't wait to see him. I just hope my tears don't come back when I see him. They're happy tears right now, and I know I'll be happy tomorrow as soon as I see him. I'm sorry, I'm just so excited. Cuddles and then he's staying at mine. I'm so glad I have Valentine to keep me occupied right now. I'm only watching this one then going to sleep, honest.

In fact, I'm going to stop writing now. This episode is just getting good, and I have a bit of milkybar melting in my mouth. Well, when I can't have my man, I will have chocolate. That's my new rule. Let's see how it works out.

Night, folks.

D-d-d-d-d-d-Jigglez.x

Just another day in paradise...

Oh I wish it was. Instead, I'm stuck in this hell-hole with nothing to do except watch Supernatural and wait for something exciting to happen. Of course, the likelyhood of that happening is very very slim. So I'm just stuck here doing nothing, basically. Gotta love being here on my own, huh.

Today, I wanted everything to be ok and wanted to feel a bit happier than I did last night, but obviously my wishes won't be fulfilled, so I give up on all that. My life will be whatever it wants to be, regardless of what I do, so I'm not going to bother trying anymore. There's no point. Nothing I do changes anything. I'm powerless.

I give up. If anyone wants to give me advice on how to feel "better", then please, drop me a line. I'm asking for help. For once in my life, I actually am asking. Help me.

D.

Saying Goodbye

I'll admit it now: saying goodbye to him anytime is difficult. Beyond difficult. It tears me up inside. But this morning? I couldn't even go through to hear his vehicle pull away. The thought of it brought me to tears, broke my heart, and even just thinking about it now, it's got the tears rolling down my cheeks. Even they sound depressed, the way they drop heavily to my quilt. I can't do it anymore. I can't put myself through this any longer. I don't know what I can or want to do, but something has to be done so that I don't hurt this much every time we say goodbye.

Gah.

And I had to re-pierce my ear tonight. It healed up while I was trying to put a hoop through it, so just had to go with another bar and force it through. Stingy, but it's ok now. Went very very lightheaded in the bathroom, and collapsed for a min, but was ok and came back to bed. Only wish I'd had a cuddle :(

Night folks. I'm getting too depressed to keep writing a blog. I'll be back sometime.

Dawn0fTheMoon.

May Catch-Up

I know it's not quite the end of May, but it's not far away so I think it's time I did a wee summary and let you know what we're up to, how things are going and such.

Well, as you know, I started a new diet. That's finished. I've been pretty unwell the past few days, so I'm a bit suspicious about the Acai berry pills - I don't think they're agreeing with me, so will stick to the SlimFast once I'm feeling a bit better. It's no fun not being able to eat anything because you're scared of being sick :( It really sucks. Being away from home and not being able to eat is even worse :(

So the weekend sucked quite a lot. But. I had my wonderful other half there to look after me. Where would I be without him, eh? He's so good to me, and I still can't quite take it in that he's mine, and we love each other. I've finally met my match and I couldn't be happier. My life is complete: I have the greatest friends, the most loving and loyal boyfriend and I don't know what more I could actually ask for. I'm a happy girl. Shame about the tears when he leaves me at night :( It's normally after we've been together for a few days at a time, so can you blame me? I'm gonna miss my cuddles tonight :(

So, I'm off to watch some Supernatural. I'm up early for college, but only going to my first class since I've been unwell. I don't think it's wise that I stick around for too long incase I'm contagious. You never know...

I'm so excited for tomorrow. College then seeing my man. I really can't wait to see him. I swear, we were made for each other. Everything's so perfect with us, it's unreal. It's as though we've been friends all our lives and have been best friends for years. It's like nothing I've ever felt before.

Anyways, time for sleep now. Roll on tomorrow!

D-d-d-d-d-d-Jiggles.

Day 2 of the Diet

Well, I had breakfast this morning, and two acai torpedoes. Lunch was a baked potato with tuna, sweetcorn and a little cheese, with another two torpedoes. After college, I had a sandwich - prawn mayo - and a bag of wotsits, and most of a 75cl bottle of water. Dinner was a bowl of pasta, with tuna and sweetcorn and a big bottle of water, as well as 2 more acai pills. I've actually put on weight today apparently, but my scales have never been that consistent, so I won't take it personally. However, I might up the ante and add another element into the diet. If it works, great. If not, DON'T try it at home! I'll keep you informed.

I'm going to add in the "SlimFast" diet plan into my efforts. It might help to increase the weight loss, so I'm going to make it my breakfast and dinner. I fancy having decent food for my lunch, because I don't fancy taking a shake to college with me. I might look a tad strange. Not that I don't already, and I certainly don't need the help to look any more weird.

Diet

Yes folks, I've finally started a new diet. I know it's taken a long time to do it, but this is it. I'm on it now, and will stick to it for as long as I need to. I'm off to weigh myself, and then I'll update you on how heavy I am and how much I want to lose. 2 minutes! *runs to scales*

I'm 15 stone 6 pounds. I'm ashamed! But, given my weight after leaving the gym, it's not that much more. So, let's set a target weight loss. 2 stone? I think that would be enough. My goal weight is therefore: 13 stone 6 pounds. But hang on, I just ate dinner... I had a pint of water and 3 fish fingers, a potato waffle, and 1/2 a small tin of sweetcorn. So let's assume that I'm actually 15 stone 5 pounds. I want to be 13 st. 5 pounds, in that case.

So this new diet. I'm cutting out junk as much as possible, though I'm not going to deny myself a wee treat now and then. I'm also not going to go running all the time. Walks with the man, yes, but not running for the hell of it. That's just pointless. Plus, with this growth on a nerve in my foot, it's not advisable to be putting extra strain and pressure on it. So, moderate exercise, and smaller portions, no fizzy drinks (sparkling water is allowed), low calorie versions of stuff, and I'm only allowed to migrate from the healthy diet when I'm at festivals or away for the weekend. Then I can allow myself to slip a little.

Oh, and I forgot to mention. I'm also taking the "Acai and Exotic Fruit" supplement to see if this diet really works. I've read hundreds of the daft ads online saying that "yes it worked for me, get your free sample here". I just don't believe a word of it. They're all paid to write that crap. But, my loyal followers, you know I don't get paid to do this. Hell, if I did, I'd give up everything and just write LOTS of blogs. HA! That would actually be rather difficult. I know I'm random and have some good rants, but that's taking the biscuit really.

Jeez, I went a little off topic there, didn't I?

Anyways, I'm going to go for now, my lovelies. I'll be back on tomorrow to report on the night ahead, if anything changes or if I turn blue or anything weird. I must say, I'm quite peckish, but going to get a glass of water and start drinking that to see if it helps.

Bye for now.

D.x

The Frog and the Wig

Ok, so this thing asked me for a story about a frog and a wig. I wrote one, and then it told me it was too long. So here it is. And don't blame me if it's random. The title is strange enough.

The Frog and the Wig

Once upon a time, there was a frog named Gary. He lived in a meadow by the river with his mummy and his daddy, and during the day he'd sit paddle in the pond, and by night he'd be tucked up in his leafy bed, where he'd watch the stars through his little window. When Gary was born, he was different from all the other frogs who were blessed with glorious long locks of hair. Some frogs had oak brown hair, while some had firey red hair. But poor Gary was born with no hair at all, and he was bullied by the other little frogs for being bald. It wasn't his fault that he'd not grown any; it was his daddy's for being a numpty.

One night, a fairy appeared in Gary's room. "Go away, you weirdo!" he shouted, but the fairy ignored his cry and fluttered nearer the bed.

"Young Gary," he said, "you have been born with no hair and the young frogs make fun of you. Is this true?" Gary looked at the fairy, completely conzuffled by what he was witnessing: a guinea pig in a tutu, with a sparkly wand and limp wrists, a sight only seen on street corners at 3am.
"It's true," replied Gary.
"Well, young Gary. I am here to help," the fairy said, standing up from the bed. With a swish of his wand, a cloud of smoke appeared, and when it cleared, the fairy held out his hand for Gary to see. And in his hand were the most luxurious locks of hair that Gary had ever seen before, in a crimson so red, his blood would be envious. Gary smiled gleefully at the fairy as he stretched out to touch the silky wig.
"This is for you," the fairy said, handing the wig to Gary. "Go and be happy, find a nice girl and settle down. I never managed!"

So Gary took the hair, put it on his head and went out into the night in search of his true love, and the fairy went home happily to have a cuppa with his slave.

The End.

May's Beginning

Here we are in May. ALREADY?! Jeez, this year is disappearing fast. It feels like only yesterday I was at Carrbridge and celebrated the New Year. But now, I've been to Oban, found my perfect match, won some competitions, and am preparing for Strichen - start of the festival season. How did that happen? Oh well! :) it's passed so quickly because I have the best people by my side. All my friends and family, thank you for being there. And to my man: thank you for standing by me, regardless of how many times you've had to drag things out of me when I'm down. I'd be lost without you now, and I hope you'll be around for a long time to come.

Now, you know we're in May. If you don't, go see your GP because you've lost track of time by a long way. Being in May, we're lambing, and it's kinda hectic. We have currently got 7 pet lambs at home, and two fields full of pregnant mummy's and baby's being born every day. I just hope they all lamb soon so that we don't have to worry any more. There's only one massive problem that we have: there's a fox at home and one down the road that keep eating the lambs. For all you do-gooders and animal lovers/protectors/ninny's: LOOK WHAT THEY'RE DOING?! We have lambs go missing every day, some left wounded so badly that we have to kill them ourselves. You have a problem with killing foxes? I have a problem with them killing our animals. "It's only natural", you say? Tough. Those bloody animals are just a nightmare, and we need shot of them (no pun intended), and to be honest, I don't care what you all say. I'm happy to admit that we do kill foxes. If they're eating our livestock, we're going to give them a bullet where the sun doesn't shine, regardless of what you lot say. If you care so much about them, go take them home into your back garden, and keep them there. Don't let them out of your sight and make sure they don't eat any of our animals.

Jeez, that was some rant, huh?!

Anyways, on another topic, the man and me are doing really well together :) He's been amazing with me and my dad through lambing, helping out where he can and coming with me to check them when dad's away doing other things to catch up with the crops. Not that they're running away, but the farming season has been a bit hindered by all the snow and that. And now that a certain someone has (nearly) butted out and left us alone, we're getting on so much better. I just hope she keeps her word and lets us be, because we're getting on great. Better than great. We're just a perfect match, made for one another. Yippee!! And yes, he's got me into saying that now. GAH! I love him anyways, so I don't mind.

Anyways, I think it's time to rest my weary head. I've done a lot of thinking these past couple of days, so will be glad to get back to college and relax a bit! Good thing I'm seeing the man tomorrow as well. Get my cuddles (:

Never thought my heart would feel this way. Love you, babe (: Always in my mind, forever in my heart.

D-d-d-d-d-d-Jigglez. x

April Summery

Yes, I am aware I spelt "summary" wrong, but I'm in a funny mood, and thought I'd use a pun to name this post since the weather has actually resembled spring lately. Strange for Scotland, I know. Anyways. It's time for a catch up for April. I know I haven't exactly written many posts over the past 2 months, but I've been a little pre-occupied by the other half. And no, we haven't spent all that time in bed. Well, we have. But it's only to watch films and eat LOTS of munch. I'd normally polish my halo right now, but I sold it to Cash4Gold.com. They paid me money for it! Muppets!

I'd just like to say that the past two months have really made my life feel whole again. I officially have the greatest friends (that means you, Dumpling! Love youuuu!) and the world's greatest boyfriend. He's always been there for me, makes me smile no matter how bad I feel, and just knows me without even trying. Yes, I'm smitten (: and about bloody time too! We've spent a lot of time together, and it's been amazing. Road trips are planned too, so look out. Oban is the first one, and I have a feeling it will be hilarious. Double Trouble plus the man. HA!

Moving onto other aspects of my life,... Uhm, ok there appears to be no other aspects of my life right now. Except for my music, of course. I've been winning again. Yass! Another Championship in the bag. 3rd year in a row, so it's all good. Just hope I get somewhere at the Masters this weekend. I put far too much pressure on myself last year, but this year, I'm in it for the music. I'm playing tunes I love, so here goes nothing. Last year, I wanted to win so I could have the money to go to Belfast. I blew it and was so hard on myself that I went home that night. 300 mile round trip in one day, for nothing. Gah. I regretted going home, but was also kinda glad since if I had gone to the pub with Dumpling, I wouldn't have come out in one piece. So I made the right choice. This year will be better! Pub after the masters, and then again on Saturday night. Yass!

As for the photography, I've not been out lately to take that many photos. I went to the Granite City Rally, so got lots and lots of car photos, so still editing them, but apart from that I have nothing but random ones with my friends. Always good! I have a proper photo album now, so I intend to fill it with everyone important in my life. That means all my friends are appearing in it (once I get pics of them) and will be there to look at when I'm feeling low. It means they're always with me even when I haven't been with them. They're always in my heart anyways, but it's always nice to see their faces. Good times :)

And after a week of editing (not constantly, of course), I've finally got the rally photos finished. Hoorah! I must admit, they're not too bad, but I could do a lot better. Just need to get some practice in and we're sorted. Yass!

Right, time for bed. I've given up facebook for a while, so I hope I block out someone that's still getting to me. I can hope!

Night night.

D-d-d-d-d-Noob.x

Round-up. No, not the weedkiller.

Don't you just hate it when you start to miss someone... before they've actually left? Well that happens to me a lot right now. I know he has to go home, and the mere thought of it tears me up inside and makes my eyes turn into leaky pipes, and I'm yet to find the tap to turn off the waterworks. If only we never had to be away from each other. It would make things so much easier.

So, after a lazy day at home with the man, I think it's time I got stuck into some work and packing for tomorrow. Double Trouble time is happenin' tomorrow night! This is gonna be goooooood. Packed and all set to go. Just need to go to college and then get the train and meet Dumpling before heading back to hers and unleashing hell! Yar! Even got the camera packed too, so there will no doubt be lots of photos to sort out (on top of the 300+ that I took at the rally!) and put in the photo album.

That's something else I'm doing: creating a photo album of my friends and family. So far, I haven't got many in it, but I'm getting there. Quite a few needed, and I'm getting to work as soon as possible - starting tomorrow. Got Rachel and me, Dumpling and Doughball, me and the man, the Three Musketeers, and me with the parental as well, of course. Just need everyone else in it now. Woo! I can see me using lots of ink this year just printing out photos for this album. Oh well. You're all worth it! I'd spend a lot more if it meant I could see everyone more often. Really have to start organising get-togethers more often. My birthday's one for definite. And festivals, yes. So maybe I could organise a couple of nights at mine for my friends... Everyone brings a bottle/friend, and we watch films, have a laugh, eat munchies, and so on. Sounds like a good plan to me!

A final message from me: I'm off to bed, I'm missing my man, my bed's awful lonely, and I'm excited for tomorrow. Will I sleep? I don't think so :( waaaaaay too much going through my mind. Oh well, curl up and watch a film. Sounds like a plan for this Doughball.

Night all.

D-d-d-d-d-d-d-Giz. x

Change

So, my plans of last night have changed completely. After a fairly sleepless and interrupted night, I'm not going to get my hair done, and I'm not going to town to get my shoes. I'm also not seeing him, so I'm totally gutted and currently sitting in my bed with my Batman hoodie on. I'm tellin' ya, I'm Batman. But yes, enough of the randomness. The bottom line is that I'm feeling pretty pathetic today. There's been more snow overnight and it's really windy. So much for the British Summertime beginning last weekend. So far, summer has consisted of wind, rain and snow. Doesn't it sound rather like winter?

Hmm. If only I could see him :( I think I know why I get down. I've had a eureka moment, I do believe. You know that thing when you're affected by the weather, ie. smiling when it's sunny, depressed when skies are grey, that kinda thing? Well, I think I may have a touch of that. Seriously. During the sunny days, I was fine! But now that the greyness is looming over us once again, I feel poop. Maybe I'm not totally suffering from SAD, but I'm still affected by the coldness and snowy weather :(

I need a bloody hug. I really really do. Damn you, weather. You stop all my planning right in its tracks and make me stay home and not see the person/people I want to see. Why can't you just stop blooming snowing and get to summertime already?!

Well seeing as I'm stuck in the house, I've been practicing a little with the fiddle. Now, I hurt like hell because I'm so out of touch with it. Thankfully, I have my support and a mug of tea. Nothing better. Well, ok, a few things are better, but nothing that I can have right now :( like cuddles, or a night in with the man or seeing Dumpling and playing some tablemat tennis or eating chocolate or... you get my drift. And to make things worse, I have cold feet, no biscuits and no energy. Could this day get any worse? Ohhh don't tempt fate, Doughball. It really could get a lot worse. I'm gonna shoosh about it though.

Hopefully the snow will be a little better by tomorrow, so I might be able to get into town and buy my shoes. And, if all goes well, I might even be able to see him for a wee while. This is all weather-permitting, of course, which means nothing will actually work out like I want it to. Grr. Oh well. Such is life. I guess things will work out the way they're meant to, regardless of how we all feel about it. That's the way the world works, unfortunately, and there's very little we can actually do about it. In fact, there's nothing we can do to change it. Fate is ruler of the world.

C'est la vie.

Beware the Ides of March

I don't know why I called this post "Beware the ides of March", but I did, so there you go. It's time for a wee update since I haven't exactly been putting many posts up lately. Been a little preoccupied with going out with my man or eating munch or going to college or playing gigs or sleeping, so it's high time I had a recap.

So. It's almost been a month since we "officially" started going out, and got my ear pierced. This has been one of the best months in my life, I have to say, and I must say a big thank you to him for listening to me ranting on about this and that, giving me more confidence in myself, and showing me what it's like to feel truly, unbelievably, endlessly happy.

I can't describe how I feel about him, because, well, there aren't enough words. He's my best friend (best male friend, that is. It's a toss-up between him and Dumpling!) and I can always turn to him when there's something bugging me. I know I still struggle to open up to him, but I'm slowly getting there and trusting him more and more every day, which has to be a good thing, but to be honest, it's not been easy. After the last person, I have very little trust left. I don't believe everything I'm told now, but gradually I'm starting to trust him and believe what he says, because I know he means it and it's starting to sink in that he isn't lying to me and isn't going to ditch me for a blonde, leggy twig with boobs. Well, I certainly hope not anyway! Ehehe just kidding. I don't think he'd do that.

I honestly can't believe we found eachother. Being with him is amazing, though it feels like I'm living in a dream. I just don't want someone to pinch me and wake me up from it :) For once, I'm truly, honestly happy and I'm actually comfortable with myself. I don't feel the need to change, because I'm not under any pressure to do so. I still need to change, like opening up more, and losing a little weight to look a bit better, but that's my own personal demons, not being pushed into it by anyone else. I'm proud to be myself. I am Batman.

This weekend I'm off to a wedding in Crieff (Somewhere, Somewhere-shire) and it should be a good weekend! A "pre-wedding get-together" on the friday, followed by the wedding and a dance on the saturday. Got a lovely new dress for it and my plus-one is Rachel. Banter! However, I have no shoes as of yet. That's my plan for tomorrow, since I won't get to have my hair done before the weekend :( Totally gutted, but oh well. I'll have to see what the score on thursday is. Might be able to get it done then and be back in time to see my man. Never know, huh.

If I don't get my hair done on thursday though, I'm going to try and see him again (if he wants to see me, that is!) He might be sick of me by then. To be honest, I'm surprised he's not sick of me already. Saying that, we've been through a lot of stuff in our lives already, so we're well suited in that department. And we like the same music, films, TV, photography, animals,.... dare I continue? Even the same food. Seriously, a night in with us is very dangerous. Monster munch, pizza, honeycomb harvest ice cream, aero (mint!) and bru or vimto or pepsi or rockstar or.... You get the idea. Oh, and we both love chocolate oranges. I just remembered that because I've just started on the one he gave me. Yes, that's right. I didn't eat it the same day I got it. I got it a few days ago and it got lost in the pit that is my room. Honestly, it's only getting worse! He said he'd help me clear it out next time he's round (lovely, ain't he!) but I think if we started that, I'd lose him in the mess! I'm surprised we managed to keep track of each other this long. Saying that, we're normally on the bed... with all the food, my laptop and the remote, you dirty minded bugger. We can behave. And don't bother laughing!

Anyways. I guess it's time for me to go have a nice big drink since I'm thirsty, then head off to bed. I'm intending being up around 9.30am to have a shower then go into town. Need to also tell dad that I'm going in to buy my shoes and want some money. And a lift to the station. Or else I'll take the jeep down (: Might be better since I feel guilty about him taking his new scoob up my road. Really guilty.

Nighty night people.

D for Delirious.x

When boredom strikes...

...you must find something to entertain yourself. If only I knew what to do, it would be ok. But I'm not in the mood to play music, and films aren't doing the trick. So I'm actually doing some work, or have done. Emails have been sent around to various places regarding festivals and gigs and set lists and the likes. I now have nothing else to do, so I thought "why not write a blog?" and here I am: writing random bletherings in order to save myself from becoming annoyed or falling asleep - given that it's only 9.30pm. It doesn't really help that my room's really cold, my radiator's off and my laptop cooler is like an air-con system from Australia. In other words, it's blowing a gale of freezing air.

I really must find something to do, so I might go and read for an hour or something. Let's see, shall we? I might return later, but I'm not sure. Toodles for now.

Dx

Plan!

Well I think it's time for a wee update. I'm happier than I ever thought I could be, and feel so much better about myself. Also lost weight! Seriously, I think happiness is the best aid to weightloss, because for MONTHS I tried to lose a bit of weight, with no success. I was on the last hole on my belt. And now? I've lost weight, regardless of what I've been eating, and my belt is now on the second last hole. A good inch, already! And do you know what I've been eating over the past month? Of course you don't. That's why I'm going to tell you, if you'd just sit still and read instead of fidgeting with the mouse and scratching your eyebrows. All I've eaten is chippies, ice cream, pizza, chocolate, monster munch, and lots of sweets. Seriously, one receipt for ASDA had 28 items on it, 8 of which were alcoholic or energy drinks. It's ridiculous! McDonald's will be lovin' me right now for the sum of money spent in there most days. Been to Burger King as well, and Pizza Hut. All I need now is a Subway again, and I'm sorted. Oooooh and a Jimmy Chungs. Plan, me thinks!

Saying that, if him and I went to Subway, and then on a walk down past the river, then it would be a replay of our first date. Lovely (: Eeeeee I'm such a happy girl. I know I maybe wasn't earlier on, but I am now. He knows how to cheer me up. And Thursday isn't really too far away. This is Monday night. Tomorrow is Tuesday, and I have a booking on Wednesday night, and Thursday will be here before I know it. Like he said, we just need to keep in touch. It'll all be ok. And not seeing him til then will just make it even better (: Can hardly wait.

As far as the weight loss is going, you'll just need to read what I've already said again. Orrrrrrrrrr, just keep reading. It's going. Slowly, but surely, and I'm eating what I like! But. I have a plan to maximise how much I'm losing in a safe way, and also letting me eat what I want and feel healthy and good. During the days away from him, I'm going to be really good. I love baked potatoes, and tuna, sweetcorn, cottage cheese, fruit, and veg. So I can pick and choose between all that, and the odd salad in between, and maybe a steak here and there for good measure. Someone as addicted to meat as I am has no business keeping away from the juicy, tender, loveliness of steak and chicken. On college days and away from him, I behave. When I'm with him, I can eat whatever junk I like! I might still have some of the healthy stuff anyways, because I do actually like it. Plan? I think so (:

Another plan I have is to get more sleep. Get myself into a lifestyle routine. 8-10 hours sleep, 3 meals a day, lots of fluids, and take my tablets. Life will be very very good, if it can get any better than this. Honestly, I've never felt so happy and like myself. I know who I am. I know what I want. I'm working on how to get it. I'm finally comfortable in myself and have a great man in my life. What more could I ask for?

D-d-d-d-d-d-Bob xx

Odd

Today has been fairly strange. I was down in the morning, then had a phonecall from him which totally cheered me up. And then he decided to come see me. Smile much? I think so. He intended to come round for about half an hour. 7 hours later, he goes home. I feel really guilty for letting him sleep here and not making him go home to bed, but I didn't want him to go. I love having him here. Note to self: stop being selfish. Selfish, not shellfish. I'm not a clam.

Roll on tomorrow (: When I finish college tomorrow afternoon, I'm getting the train back to Inverurie, where I'm meeting him and then being taken home. He's staying here too, so I can't wait. Woop (:

You'll never know...

...the one who loves you. Well, actually I do (: These past few weeks have shot past, and I can't exactly grasp what day it is, never mind what I'm meant to be doing. Honestly, life's been a blur since I met him, but the greatest blur in the world. Time's slowing down now, back to normal rate, and I'm having the time of my life. Feel like I've known him all my life, and that we've been best friends for years. What did I do to become so lucky all of a sudden???? Seriously, there's gotta be something. Maybe my prayers to the various deities up there actually worked. I just hope they tell me who they are, so I can thank them properly.

Eeeeeee I'm honestly so happy (: Just gonna miss him til I see him next :( Hopefully I'll be able to see him on wednesday. It's gonna drive me crazy not getting cuddles tomorrow. Nothing like a cuddle when you're feeling crap :( The parental went a bit psycho tonight, just as we arrived and were sitting chatting outside the house in his car. Pup ran away - after the parental swearing a lot, he pegs it - and wasn't found on initial searching. I'm not sure if he's home yet. I best go check, huh?!

Well, turned out the dog wasn't home, and I had to sneak out the front door and go find him. Didn't fancy waking the grizzly and making him use the gun on me. Loaded shotgun at an open door. Dog's terrified of guns. Is that honestly the way you get a dog to come in the house when he knows he's in trouble? No, didn't think so. After sneaking out the front door, leaving the lights off, I started the isuzu and set off to look for the mut. Luckily, I had the patience to stop at the first farm and whistle. Also glad I put his collar back on him - it jingles when he moves, so I heard him coming. To say I was glad would be a total understatement.

As for the diet, that kinda fucked up again. My dinner consisted of..... a mug of tea. Strong tea, since I forgot about it when I was feeding the dog. Put the teabag in, then wandered off to give him some more food. Poor bugger was hungry :( But yeah, one very strong mug of tea. And that's about it.

Time for sleep, I think. Not taking my laptop tomorrow, so just on my mobile. Woopdidooooo.

Miss him already :(

Night night,

D-d-d-d-d-d-d-Gizmo xx

Smiles

Officially taken (: Could I be happier right now? I don't think so. Or, well. Actually, yes I could. He could be beside me, and my ear wouldn't be throbbing, but since both things are impossible right now, I'm as happy as I could be. I must say, though, I'm a little upset. Something's been stolen from me :( Not to worry, it's only my heart (: He stole it a couple of weeks ago, as soon as I got into the car that first night. He really is amazing (:

He dropped me off home on Saturday evening, and I got me cuddles before he left, but I was missing him as soon as I saw his car go round the corner at the top of my drive. I just wanted to run after him and tell him to stay. Shame that I couldn't :( As soon as he was home, we were texting and I just wished we were together, so that I didn't feel lonely. Every day away from him seems like a lifetime, and I can't wait til tomorrow to see him again. I don't think I could survive going an extra day! The weekend is going to be hard if I don't get to see him on Friday :(

But anyways. On the weightloss front, I'm not sure how well I'm doing. There is currently nothing to eat in the house, except from bread, butter, yoghurt and cuppa soups. Considering I'm not a fan of packet soup, this leaves me with a very limited amount that I can actually eat. I think it's time we went to tesco again. Seriously, I need to eat sometimes, and when there's nothing in, I just decide to stop eating completely. Surely this can't be good for me? Oh well.

Time to raid the freezer again. Might stick on that spicy pepperoni pizza and some garlic bread. I don't honestly care how I look nowadays. As long as I'm happy, why should I bother restricting what I want to do? I should live life to the full, and I'm starting now. Bring on the carbs!

Night night, folkies. Jeez I miss him.

D for devoted xx

Sea-saw brain

This is how I feel right now: I'm hurting inside, something's not right, I can't work out why, and I just really need a hug. In about 15 hours I'll hopefully get one, and I honestly can't wait. I never thought I'd miss him his much already. I only saw him a few hours ago, but it's like I've been away from him for months. It's totally unreal, but it's happening. I really have met my match. I'm just sorry that I can't open up to him yet. I want to, but experience has taught me to be wary of anyone that says they'll be there for me. With ever day that passes, though, I'm able to talk a little bit more about how I feel, what's going through my mind.

Right now, I don't know where my head's at. I know he means a lot to me, and I'm so happy that I'm with him. I honestly can't imagine not being with him now. He's just wonderful and I couldn't be happier than I am with him. But there's something deep inside me, holding me back from giving him everything I have, opening my heart up completely to him, and I hate it. I want to trust him, turn to him if I'm upset, speak to him when I feel like this. It just terrifies the hell out of me to open up, because in the past, that's when people left me. As soon as I opened my big mouth, they were gone. The people closest to me actually deserted me. Now you see why I'm a bit scared to open up, eh!?

Buuuuuuut, I have to learn to do it. If I do, I just hope he stands by me. So far, so good. He makes me feel better just by talking to me or touching me. Just him being him makes me smile. I'm falling fast, and I can't stop it. I just hope someone's going to catch me.

Time to get packed, tell the parental that I'm staying out tomorrow, and get some sleep, before doing work in town and having coffee with a friend, then meeting him. I can't wait to see you baby.

D for Dundee. Michael J. Dundee, actually. xxx

The Strangest Thing

Well..... I've met my match (: He's random, hyper, honest, caring, and we're practically identical. Of course, he's male and I'm female, so we differ there, and he's taller than me, and... Yeah, ok, you get the picture. He just... I donno, he makes me smile, and I feel like I've known him all my life. When people say they just "clicked", I can safely say I know exactly what they mean. I never thought that I'd ever be this comfortable around anyone, or this happy. The past was nothing compared to what I feel now (: I'm so glad he found me! What a feeling..... SONG TIME!!! *does a little dance and sings the Gaviscon Song... And if you don't know what it is, YOUTUBE it!*

I must admit, I've cried many times. Sadness, feeling blue, being lonely. But never before have I burst into tears when talking about how happy I am. Yeah, I'm learning to be honest! I was talking to a friend tonight about how happy I was, and how much D means to me, and as soon I was off the phone, I felt the waves of tears coming on. I realised how much I missed him already! I know he only went home a few hours ago, and we saw each other yesterday too, but I'm hooked. Completely, and utterly, hooked on him. As I write this, there's a tear running down my cheek - a happy one, don't worry - and I just want a hug. I'd do anything to just cuddle up to him right now. I feel like a complete sop, but I just want him to know how much he means to me already, and that I can't wait til Friday. I know, I know, two days. Long enough! Am I desperate enough to work out the hours.......???

36ish (: Waaaaaaaaaaaay too many, but as I've heard, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Let's see, shall we (:

Btw... Always wish upon a star, and keep believing, because dreams and hopes really do come true (:

Time for sleeps. After listening to some more Mr Bublé, that is.

D for delighted xx