This is how I feel right now: I'm hurting inside, something's not right, I can't work out why, and I just really need a hug. In about 15 hours I'll hopefully get one, and I honestly can't wait. I never thought I'd miss him his much already. I only saw him a few hours ago, but it's like I've been away from him for months. It's totally unreal, but it's happening. I really have met my match. I'm just sorry that I can't open up to him yet. I want to, but experience has taught me to be wary of anyone that says they'll be there for me. With ever day that passes, though, I'm able to talk a little bit more about how I feel, what's going through my mind.
Right now, I don't know where my head's at. I know he means a lot to me, and I'm so happy that I'm with him. I honestly can't imagine not being with him now. He's just wonderful and I couldn't be happier than I am with him. But there's something deep inside me, holding me back from giving him everything I have, opening my heart up completely to him, and I hate it. I want to trust him, turn to him if I'm upset, speak to him when I feel like this. It just terrifies the hell out of me to open up, because in the past, that's when people left me. As soon as I opened my big mouth, they were gone. The people closest to me actually deserted me. Now you see why I'm a bit scared to open up, eh!?
Buuuuuuut, I have to learn to do it. If I do, I just hope he stands by me. So far, so good. He makes me feel better just by talking to me or touching me. Just him being him makes me smile. I'm falling fast, and I can't stop it. I just hope someone's going to catch me.
Time to get packed, tell the parental that I'm staying out tomorrow, and get some sleep, before doing work in town and having coffee with a friend, then meeting him. I can't wait to see you baby.
D for Dundee. Michael J. Dundee, actually. xxx
No comments:
Post a Comment