Tis the season to get boozy!

Strichen is past and what a weekend it was! I haven't had that volume of alcohol in my system for a very long time. In fact, since I met my man. Never mind. It was such a good one, I'm excited for the next already! Although, I'm worried that a certain person decides to turn up and ruin the whole damn thing. But I won't let that cloud my thoughts right now. There are more pressing matters. Matters such as discussing the possibility of buying a motorhome with my dad for us to use for festivals/weekends away. After being in a tent, my joints are back to being very painful and it's not something that I want to happen on a regular basis. I was also cold and on my own in the tent and didn't exactly feel safe. So a camper is the way forward. And low and behold, we've found one that's ideal. It's a four berth, made in 1987 - it's the only one we can afford - and it's been completely renovated inside. It's completely watertight and looks so good it's crazy! And it's not far away! So the phone must be lifted today and the idea discussed completely with my father. We've looked into other models and ages and nothing else suits as well. We've investigated insurance and whether we'd both be able to drive it. In short, yes. Although I need to be over 25 for us to get a cheaper quote for insurance if I'm going to be legal to drive it. For now, the man will be the policy holder and do the driving. I don't mind and thankfully, neither does he. It's just so exciting that it might be able to happen and I'm looking forward to seeing the reaction from my dad. It's just that there's no point in us having the caravan that my dad is looking after. Don can't drive with it, we can't get a towbar on any of our cars and it's just not practical. However, a camper is a different story. As long as it's not over 7.5T and not for carrying over 8 passengers or goods then even I can drive it without getting another category added to my license.

So, three weeks til Keith. What's the bet that I'll have my camper by then and have it ready to party in?

Promises, Promises

Why do your promises get broken? I'm sick of having the same conversations, getting the same answers and landing with the same outcome time and time again. If these promises were truly made from the heart, things wouldn't be like this. A friend once said "if someone cares, they wouldn't put you through the pain and watch you suffer. If someone really cares, they'd not put you through that pain in the first place". Think about it. I'm a forgiving, gullible person. If you look up the meaning of Gullible in the dictionary, I'm sure there'd be a picture of me just sitting there, believing everything, as I always do. I've been decent. I've been honest. I've said how it hurts to have the trust we've built up over our time together torn down before my very eyes. This isn't enough apparently. So. I'll make this simple. You need help. You say there's no reason to what you do, that it's habit. Well so is alcoholism, drug addiction, substance misuse. All of these can help you to lose those close to you. So get help. I'm willing to help but that's not good enough, so I'll help you get professional help. This is the only thing that might help us out of this spiral. If you're not willing to try this for the sake of us, our relationship, the life we've built then I think we've reached a fork in the road where we must travel our separate ways. It breaks my heart even thinking about this but I can't be the one who keeps being torn down, used, lied to. I can't take it anymore.

Old times, new times

This year is going to be the year of catching up with old friends, making new ones and keeping in touch with everyone via phone, text, email and letter. Yes, I enjoy the odd bit of snail mail - when the postie decides to appear with my letters! Things seem to be on the mend for now, but we'll see how the post flows in the next few weeks. However, I am going to try my best to see as many people as I can over the next few months, spending time with those who really matter. I'm also determined to get into a new hobby, maybe take part in a group or something locally. I could start back horse riding on a saturday morning or something. That would keep me out of trouble and also keep me sort of fit. Since I have a voucher for the cabin and it's only 5 minutes away, it makes sense to try there first. If I don't like it, I can go somewhere else. There's always options.

How did I get onto the subject of hobbies??? Oh well, I did. Never kind. I could also investigate some other things to get into although riding and the fiddle are quite enough, I think. And maybe the piano again. I really want to get back into that - and it might help me keep my work life balance going seeing as I'm always tempted to take my work home which is totally forbidden!

On the subject of my new job, I'm having a ball and slowly learning what my place in the service is. I may not be doing one to one support but I'll be the one running the social groups which is almost as vital, if not more so! I have to start creating new groups in aberdeenshire too so this is going to be a huge challenge to me and I'm really looking forward to it, no matter how difficult it may be for a start. I'm just so glad I made this career change when I did. My mental and physical health have both improved remarkably and I'm more lively most of the time. I know I'm still tired quite a lot but that's mainly because I'm going to bed with the man every night so I'm getting far too much sleep too early and by the time he leaves, I'm awake, struggle to get back to sleep and by the time info, I'm shattered by the time I have to wake again. Nevermind, I'll get into a routine next week.

Anyways, I'll post again tomorrow. Night!

Improvements.

My life has improved. 100% improvement, actually. I'm no longer tired or sore after work, I enjoy the things in life that grew too much to handle with so little energy and I'm no longer depressed or frustrated 80% of the time. I'm settling into suburbia much better now too since I have the time and energy to keep my house in order and I find us eating better food since I'm happier to cook once again. I smile more often, laugh so much it is crazy and I'm never really in a bad mood. Ok sometimes I am but I can't change everything about myself in the space of a week, can I? I've done well so far and long may my progress continue. Ive also started playing my fiddle more and in the past 5 days of practising just once a day, there's a great improvement there too! That's something that really makes me smile. Ok so my wrists are still really sore and im using muscles which have lost all their tone but that tone can be regained and by golly, I'm going to do it! I have determination!

Sorry... I just splurged that out without really thinking but I don't care. It's all true :) I'm just glad things are changing for the better right now. Things always work themselves out...

Up and up

Oh folks... Things just keep getting better and better for me! Something must be wrong with the balance of the world because things never just go right for me... but they are! Turns out things really do happen for a reason! My ticket was taken back for Friday night, my friend won't talk to me and some folk have turned petty, and yet the plans I made totally off the hoof turned out to be the right decision! I didn't think I'd ever be the one to say this, or even admit to it, but someone is definitely looking out for me and I'm so darned grateful, it's unreal. Things really are looking up for me an things do come along at the right time.

"What's meant for you, won't pass you". How true.

And... my job is adding to my better mood. I've not been tired, or stroppy, or sore and that makes me so much happier! I've also been looking forward to getting up in the morning and almost excited about going to work. What I'm doing, it doesn't feel like work. I'm at a desk, I have company, I have the internet, I have tasks to do and there's no real rush to do it as quickly as I can. My job is to be thorough, thoughtful and give the service a fresh take on everything we already do. For example, I've been asked to think of things to do with a primary school group. Of course, we want to support them, but we also want to help them in any way we can, whether that's by playing games with them, talking to them and listening, playing music, singing, drawing, colouring or making things. Like I said, anything goes. And that's what my job is right now: working out what we can do with no limits. I have to say, I'm so glad I took on this job. It may not seem difficult or too demanding, but it is challenging me to push the boundaries of what the service provides to enable us to help our service users.

Ahhhh, enough about work. I'm just a happy bunny :) Things are working themselves out.

Nighty night! x

Hi ho, hi ho, it's awfully confusing...

Files, databases, alphabetising, looking for missing things, working out what's in the wrong places, making lists. Jeez, no wonder my brain's fried! Never mind, a rather large mug of Horlicks Light will sort me out. And a quick rant on my blog! So, as you've gathered, I'm at work just now, although on my lunch break. I've got a helluva cold coming on and for once, I've not been made to feel like I HAVE to work if I'm unwell. I was given the option this morning of whether I wanted to stay or go home. After the discussion, I was quite happy to stay - since I'm on my own, there's less chance of me passing on my bugs to anyone else. Besides, it's Friday. I've never experienced that "Friday feeling" before so I'm intrigued to find out what it feels like.

On a totally random tangent, I've got some things on my mind. After recent events after leaving the kennels, I've made some major decisions for the wedding, assuming it happens, that is! I was going to ask someone else to be my second bridesmaid but given the goings on of late, I've decided to have only one. The one person I can turn to with any problem - apart from my fiancé, of course. I just think it will work out better and will inevitably be more fun if there's only one bridesmaid instead of a heap. I don't want to appear like a mother hen, after all. And knowing me, that's exactly what I'd look like. However, my mind is made up and it will just be my darling Dumpling by my side when I get hitched. This thought makes me somewhat more relaxed about the whole idea, anyway. Besides, who knows me better than her? No one, that's who. No matter how many little tiffs we have, we always work them out and end up stronger for it. It's fabulous, actually!

After getting that off my chest, I feel a little better. Sort of. Well, no, not in the slightest. However, no length of ramblings will chase away a cold which has decided to strip my throat of it's skin, takes a metal spoon to the inner canals of my ears and clangs against them and takes a large mallet to my forehead. That would be a miracle.

Anyways, I must go and find something to do apart from sneeze, cough and yelp.

Toodles.

Life.

Well, I started my new job this week. I'm working 5 days a week all around Aberdeen and the shire for CAIR Scotland. I've only done 2 days but I can't believe how different and better things are already. I'm not shattered, my joints aren't sore, my back is fine and I'm just generally more happy. Boost! And I have babies... ok, not actual babies but young cats! :D

How cute are they?!

I'm going to the office tomorrow - on my own! - so will hopefully find a list of tasks I need to do as my manager is going out of the office early and I won't see her all day. Oh well, packing my lunch and a tub of hot chocolate. I like coffee and tea, but for a day of hard work, you can't beat hot chocolate or even horlicks. These may well be drinks to help you settle to sleep, but I prefer them to just keep me cozy and happy.

Quite honestly, I'm content in my life.

The end.

Yes, Father...

Watching father ted right now. Well, sort of. I'm really tired but can't sleep for some reason. Maybe too excited? Everything is sorted. I have a great car, my man has just bought a new car, we have a house, we're getting by with bills and we're happy. Life is good.

:)

Brrrr.

It's cold outside tonight and since the heating isn't on in the house, it's also freezing inside! Time to crawl out from under the duvet and turn on the radiator! And I'm tempted to go and get a hot water bottle... I shouldn't have to need one in April but since there's snow, I think I'd be better with one. And the DVD player is now playing up... Maybe it's too cold for it to function properly?! Or maybe just the disc needed cleaning? Oh well.

That's the heater on, the door shut and the temperature is slowly starting to rise above freezing. At last!!! Even though the heater smells a bit funny, I am SO thankful for it!

Oh yeah, 10 shifts to go. It would have been one less but I didn't realise I was working five days this week but never mind. Nearly into single figures! I really am excited about this. There is no doubt in my mind that this is the path I'm supposed to be on and I will follow it until I meet another junction. You never know what's around the corner but I'll be prepared for whatever life throws at me next. Oh I sound so philosophical, don't I?! Ha. Oh well. It's just so close, I can almost taste it! I have decided to get myself some new clothes and even a new mug for when I start.

Anyway. Enough wittering from my iPhone! Time to plan my day tomorrow then sleep. Night folks x

11 To Go.

Down to eleven shifts at work. It may sound like I'm counting down, which I am, but I'm just excited about my new venture. Wouldn't you be too? Its a completely new path for me but I'm just so looking forward to it, I almost wish I was starting this Monday! Since its such a new venture, I'm being encouraged to put my own personal touch to the service and bring forward fresh ideas which just sounds brilliant. I am also being given a laptop for working on and a phone to use.

I should really go back to sleep now but I fear I'm a bit too excited again! Goodnight, folkles :)

Sleepy...

So so tired :( however, 3 more days til I get a day off and 12 more shifts until I start my new job. It's not that I'm counting down. I'm just very excited to be part of a brand new project. New challenges, new people and possibly new qualifications. My life is on the up and as a good friend once advised me, this could be my year. I certainly hope so anyway. right, time to snooze...

New!

New phone, new job, new start! I've just got myself an iPhone 4s on o2 and I don't know how I survived without one before now! I absolutely love it, it's so fast and helpful, the applications you can get for it are so much better than Android and the camera is awesome. That's only the beginning but already I'm in love....

And my new job... well... I am SO excited to start, it's unreal. I'm going to be a trainee young carer support worker. It's a totally new venture by the company so I'll have a lot of say on the development of the service and will also be helping with setting up the website and the new blog. Exciting stuff! I just can't wait to get started but at least I know when my first day is - 23rd April, so wish me luck! I'll keep this updated on how I get on with it. Totally buzzing for it though...

Sunshineeeee!

Today's been glorious - the sun's been out and heating the world up beautifully. I got a couple of loads of washing dry, another couple nearly dry, the whole house tidied and hoovered and fresh air into all the rooms. Hoorah! So, I have a clean house, a full fridge, and now a full belly. The man took home two joints of silverside this afternoon so we decided to have a roast with one and I cut the other into thick steaks and they're now chilling out in the freezer. The packet said I should do one joint for 2 hours, but I'm pretty good at judging the cooking time for meat so decided to only give it 1hr 10. Thank goodness I did! We like our meat rare but it came out just a perfect medium-well done, so that was fine for us. I cooked it (after browning in a pan) in a sliced onion and 1.5tsp gravy salt with some boiling water. Once cooked, I put the meat on a plate, covered with the tinfoil I'd covered it with in the oven and then put the juice/onion mix in a small pan. I added a glug of red wine, a good splash of water, allowed to reduce slightly then added some cornflour and water mixed together, then returned it to the boil for a thick gravy. Yummers!

Anyways, I only have one more day of holidays left - boo :( but then my life becomes more exciting so it's all good! More about that another time because it's all hush-hush right now, but all in good time, dear readers.

Tomorrow's plans? Post my shoes back, hand in my application form to join the doctors down here and get the rest of my washing dry. I've also got a rather large form to fill in and then take up to Thainstone at some stage, so I better get that done while I'm off! Ooft! Apart from all that, I'm going to enjoy my last day off, chill out, maybe pamper myself a bit and then go back to work the next day, refreshed and ready for a hard days graft.

Right, the man says it's time for pudding, so I better go and make the bed since it's still stripped from earlier!

Chow the now!

A x

Bacon, Mixed Bean and Tomato Soup

Yummers! This has to be one of the best things I've ever had in my life. I'll give you the recipe.

Recipe

2 garlic cloves, crushed
1 large onion, finely diced
2 cans of mixed beans, drained - personally I used 1 tin of cannelini beans and 1 of haricot beans
1L chicken/vegetable stock. Use whichever you prefer. I used 2 veg stock cubes
2tbsp vegetable oil
1 tin chopped tomatoes
1 1/2 tbsp tomato puree
3 or 4 rashers of (smoked) bacon, chopped in small bits
1 can sweetcorn, drained
1/4-1/2 tsp chilli powder

Method

Heat oil in a large sauce pan/stock pot over a medium heat. Add the onions and cook gently for 3 mins, then add the garlic and cook for a further 2 until onion is softened. The idea is not to colour the onion and not to burn the garlic. Put in the chilli powder and stir well.

Add the bacon and allow to fry for a couple of minutes until it's no longer raw coloured.

Pour in the tomatoes and bring to the boil. Add the stock, tomato puree, sweetcorn and beans. Simmer for 30 minutes.

When serving, add a little double cream and stir through. Serve with crusty bread.

Enjoy!

Live from the Potting Shed!

That's right folks, I have managed to take my laptop out to the garden and fashion a little writing haven for myself. Until moments ago, I was sitting by the door and there was a rather chilly draft coming in through the broken piece of glass. But, huzzah! I fixed it and now I'm all cozy and settled at my new desk (a shelf in amongst the seed trays and pots) although I'm still hoping it doesn't rain as there's a great big slit in the glass right above my head. However, this doesn't really bother me as if it starts to rain, there's something covering my laptop - another thick shelf - and it means that I only have to worry about keeping myself dry. Worst comes to worst, I move 3 feet over to my right...

Now, I have decided my pepper seeds are a failure. They came with their own little pot, complete with compost and a cover. I must admit though, the compost seems to be awfully waterlogged so the lid is off but alas, nothing is happening. So I bought some new pepper seeds to see if these are more willing to sprout than the last lot. If they're not, then at least I've tried! A quick update on my current little babies (while I remember): rocket, salad leaf mix, cat grass and lettuce. Nothing else has appeared yet but I am ever hopeful that my killer fingers (you think I'm joking?!) are slowly starting to turn green. My clematis' are doing fine too, slowly climbing up the stakes I put in with them as soon as I bought them. One is still a lot weaker in appearance compared to the other but at least it's not dead. Yet.

I have also just bought 3 planters so I can get at least 3 tubs of tatties on the go. It'll be nice to see how well I can grow them, although the pressure is on since my dad is such a dab hand at growing them! He also grows neeps (swedes) and a huge variety of other things, although his tatties and neeps are grown in fields as apposed to planters or a garden. But never mind having fields to plant things in. I have my own garden and it's got plenty of room for the things I'd like to (try to) grow.

Dare I say, being in my greenhouse is bliss? Yes, I think that's what I'd call it. It's my own little heaven where I can truly be myself, write if I like, have munch and not feel guilty and let my thoughts and troubles drift away on the breeze that floats in when I have the top vent open - which is all the time when I'm in here. It's just so relaxing and it means I can look at my little seedlings and feel good about myself for once. I don't have to pretend to be someone else, I don't have to tidy up everything, I can get my hands dirty and not worry. I love it out here. I also feel like it's a little escape from reality and someday, I'll be able to eat my produce, saving some money and feeling the benefits of knowing there are no artificial things lurking in my own herbs and veg. I'm not growing fruit (yet) because neither of us eat that much of it and I don't know what to do with it all. I could make raspberry jam and keep it to use over winter and start making Christmas presents out of it all, I suppose, and that's another route I could look into. Other people could enjoy my little hobby. This is all making me very happy.

I know my venture is going to cost money for a while since this is the first time I've taken gardening even remotely seriously, but after I have all the equipment I need, I won't have to buy any more for next year and the years to come because it'll all be here. All I'll have to do is keep myself in seeds and compost, and maybe splash out and buy a new watering can (see what I did there? Splash, watering can, never mind...). I have to admit I spent a fortune on this weeks shop (£76!!!) but that was because I'm buying store cupboard ingredients and again, they last through a lot of meals. I like my asian food, be it thai, chinese or indian, so I thought it would be worthwhile to buy all the proper sauces and seasonings so that we didn't have to phone up a takeaway to get good takeaway food. I'm a fairly good cook and I'm learning all the time, so why not try and do it all properly? I was quite honestly sick of reading through my cookery books and realising I have all the meat, vegetable and starchy ingredients but nothing that was required to make the sauces. So, that's now sorted and I can get down to making my own sauces, experimenting with flavours and learning what I like.

This is all sounding a little housewife-ish, isn't it...

Sproots!

My fingers are starting to turn green... I have a load of little seedlings appearing of various types. This pleases me a lot. I have loads of little rocket ones, and cat grass, and mixed salad leaves and lettuce, so it looks like we're going to have lots of salad for the summer, if I keep planting at regular intervals! My spring onions haven't sprung yet, and neither has my thyme, peppers, chives or sweet peas but it's early days! I planted a few more flowers for hanging baskets and borders the other day so they've not had a chance to grow yet but I'm happy so far. I must remember to get some pics and put them up some time.

I also have to remember and do the ironing, build my desk and do some shopping tomorrow. Saying that, there's no rush for the desk since I'm on holiday for another few days so there's plenty of time. I really do need to phone someone to get the dishwasher installed though since it's taking up a lot of space in the kitchen and it's getting difficult to get into cupboards for pans which in turn means they're taking up space on the counter - space I don't really have...

So all in all, the outside of the house is coming along nicely, but the inside is a bit of a temporary disaster area. Oh dear.

15/03/12

Today's been weird. My stomach's still not right and I'm sitting on my own in the living room, in the exact same position that I took up as soon as I slumped down here. I'm cold, lonely, hungry and bored. (I did go up to see the man as soon as I came home, but he said he was tired so I left him to sleep. What a good fiancée I am!) So now that I'm on my lonesome, I bet you're wondering what I'm planning to do with myself for the rest of the evening. Well, let me tell you the truth. For the past two hours, I've sat and read my book on my ipod - the fourth in a fortnight! - and had the tv on in the background. I came home hungry but seeing as I've not really bothered to get food, my appetite has subdued somewhat and I no longer feel like eating, even though I should do for a number of reasons... health, energy, celebration, the list is fairly short but that's not the point.

But anyways. I'm considering going to bed soon. Yes I do realise it's only 8pm but that doesn't matter to me right now. I'm feeling low (which is unusual for me nowadays) and the best thing I can probably do is sleep it off. Although I'm also debating with myself whether I should stay up past 9pm as my parcel from Sports Direct is apparently "out for delivery" and they say they deliver up til 9 at night. For now, I'm unsure and may well just stay downstairs. Knowing me, if I go to bed, they'll appear and I'll have to run and catch them before they disappear into the night with my new shoosies!

Oh well, I take it my parcel isn't getting delivered tonight - contrary to their website - so I might as well finish the chapter I'm reading, lock up and go to bed for a night. I must also remember not to trip over the man's boots at the top of the stairs. I went up earlier to, um, powder my nose and nearly went flying over them. (Hey, it was dark and they shouldn't have been there!) I'll bid farewell for a night although I feel I'll be back tomorrow to have another rant/chat.

Tootleoo!

Trainers, anyone?

Why on earth is it so difficult to find a pair of trainers you both like and can afford? Even online, they're so expensive for anything vaguely nice-looking. There are loads that I like but are out of my price-range by a long shot and I don't really want to spend that amount of money on shoes, even if I am going to wear them mostly every day. Saying that, for everyday wear, I should be able to justify spending that little bit extra on them... shouldn't I???

Ho hum, I suppose I'll find something eventually. On another note, a rather noisy one at that, next door are creating the most hellish sounds I've heard. The mother seems to be incapable of speaking and can only shout/scream at anyone who dares to ask her a question/doesn't do as their told/can't mind read. They also seem to be a family that lack the ability to shut doors quietly... or walk upstairs without having to make sure their feet nearly go through the steps... or stop tapping/knocking on doors/walls/surfaces. In truth, it's so frustrating that they just won't shut the heck up, but never mind. We still have a housewarming to plan and by golly, the neighbours will soon know we're here!

Now that the mother has had the hoover out and whizzed around the living room for a total of 1 minute, I think it's time I had a cup of tea. And then it's suppertime since I'm feeling a little more like eating. Eating's not really the problem, though. I had breakfast this morning even though I was feeling sick overnight. I've only felt progressively worse up until now and I'm feeling quite peckish. Let's see how this goes. Sausages and mash and sweetcorn is on the cards. Yummy :)

Off for now, may have found some footwear to suit my needs!

The Tattoo.

So I finally got a picture of it. Personally, I love it. A lot of people won't but to be quite honest, that's not what matters. What does matter is that I life it, it means a lot to me and it will always be with me.

So.... Tah-daaaaah!

Rumbly in my Tumbly!

Regular as clockwork, my stomach has decided to try and digest itself in a bid to be fed some breakfast. Well ok, belly, you win. What shall we have? I think some french toast may well be on the cards, but what sort of accompaniment would marry so well with your sweet, cinnamony flavour? I would love white chocolate sauce, but alas there is no chocolate in the house. There is Galaxy in the car, but since I'm currently unshowered and my hair has a mind of it's own, defying gravity to the very end, I daren't set food out the door for fear of being laughed at. I could always use a little of the new chocolate philly...? Although I'm not sure how to treat it...

Anyway, I'm sure I'll find something suitable after raiding the cupboards or the internet for ideas, or possibly both! Hopefully something tasty will hit me like a brick wall (although I'm not sure why that saying is so popular since I was totally unaware that a brick wall was capable of lashing out, or moving in the slightest!).

Time to move to the kitchen and find out what I have to work with. Not a lot, I suspect...